I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
