i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
