Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
