It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
