Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
