i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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