Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
