Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
