I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
