can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
