I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I want her autograph on my taint
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
