if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
