I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
