turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
