How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
