I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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