I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
