I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
