I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
