I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
