Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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