for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
