his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
