I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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