As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
