my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You were trust falling into bushes
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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