I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
