I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
nutella sex= disaster
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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