you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
