I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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