True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
