I'm so fucking centered right now
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
