You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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