They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
