If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
