I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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