apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I could make wine with my vomit
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
