Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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