Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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