You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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