found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
