So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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