Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
