i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
