hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
did i walk over a car last night?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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