what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
