i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Randomize
