So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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