...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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