very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
