The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
