As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
